going through the motions

Alright take two on this post. *shakes a tiny fist at wordpress* I just had to add every line break manully through the html editor. Not a happy camper. =[

Every single night the same arrangement
I go out and fight the fight.
Still I always feel the same estrangement
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.
I’ve been making shows of trading blows
Just hoping no one knows
That I’ve been going through the motions
Walking through the part.
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart…


Going Through The Motions – Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Attention SL’rs – WoW post ahead! =P

So recently my WoW Horde guild broke up. (note) I had a big long bit here about the how and why, but I decided not to post it. No more dwelling on what was, time to concentrate on what IS. (endnote)

I had to find a new guild. I HAD TO. I described it to my friend today as this:

[12:31]  Bunny Blindside‧: with wow its sort of like
[12:32]  Bunny Blindside‧: its a treadmill set to a high speed
[12:32]  Bunny Blindside‧: and if you falter at all, suddenly youre flying off on your ass
[12:32]  Bunny Blindside‧: and its impossible to get back on

I feel that in WoW I am not enjoying myself unless I am pushing for something. I enjoy being a competitive raider. I enjoy being first or second to do things (or trying to be, at least), to come up with new strategies, to complete achievements with a team that no one else has done. So I decided to get back in the saddle after the death of my 10 man guild and that meant going straight to the top – a 25 man hard mode progression guild. My experience was valuable – my gear was not quite where it ought to be, but people who need a certain class or type of person are willing to overlook that.

So I got several replies of interest, and I chose carefully. I researched realms, researched guilds, and ended up on Lightbringer. I wanted to be Alliance but I wanted to make sure it was a realm where my chosen faction held Wintergrasp because I don’t want to have to wait to get my extra emblems and loot chances. I checked out the economy. I checked out the trade channels. I checked literally everything I could check. And I got into a good guild. They are really nice people. They’re progressing not too shabbily.

But there are problems. 1) The raid leader talks really fast and has a canadian accent. I have no idea what he saying half the time. Thank god I know the fights well enough to improvise. 2) my gear is way, way behind. I thought I was about 200 haste behind the other resto shaman – I found out I am FIVE hundred haste behind – levels I simply cannot attain with the gear I have. And there are no upgrades readily available to me. 3) I’m not having fun.

We jumped 200 spots in world rank last night due to completing two new hard modes – Blood Prince Council and Blood Queen Lana’thel. I contributed… sort of. My output was pretty terrible. I mean, let’s face it.. with gear so far behind and the passion gone, I am not playing to my full potential. I know this. I feel it in every raid I attend… which is all of them because I am a raid leader’s dream – I take it seriously and I *always* show up. But now I am performing shittily. Ok.. no that’s not true. I am performing averagely, which is NOT acceptable to me. I just sit here in my chair and force myself to pay attention… and wait for the three hours to be over.

So what is all this WoW rambling about, anyway? Well, I’m thinking about quitting. I feel like the song says… I’m just going through the motions. I’m not enjoying it anymore, it’s not giving me the thrill, the excitement, the sense of satisfaction that it once did. I’ve lost my WoW mojo. I think part of it is my dissatisfaction with my shaman – I would really rather be playing my priest but this guild doesn’t have a place for my priest. Not to mention my priest doesn’t have the achievements my shaman does, or the 310 mount. Gearwise though, she’s in about the same place.

And really? I miss my old guild. I’m tired of finding new guilds and trying to fit in with new people. They seem to like me and the HAPPY DEPENDABLE RAIDER mask I’m wearing is holding up to the scrutiny, and I think for now at least, the gear gap is excusing my low-ish output. But on the inside, I’m pretty unhappy and not at all enthusiastic.

I don’t know what to do, at all. I feel completely lost. The simple answer seems to be “just quit” but I don’t know if that’s really what I want. Do I bail on the shaman and work on my priest? Do I quit all together? Do I grin and bear it on the shaman? Who knows… not me, that’s for sure.

Ok here I’ll throw in one SL pic to make up for my laziness thus far!  Just me dancing at my friend’s new club, we’ve been working on the lights and dance floor and such all afternoon. =) And by “we” I mean she’s been working and I’ve been sitting on my ass offering many helpful opinions. And I picked the title for the group member’s tag! *cheer*

happy dedicated raver... i mean raider!

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6 thoughts on “going through the motions

  1. {{{{hugs}}}} I understand. I play Perfect World. Well…I don’t know if I should say “I play” or “I played,” because I quit logging in regularly back in September or October. I logged back in for the winter stuff–killing snowmen was great–but I haven’t logged in since then, and that was in January. I got on there, made friends, got into a guild I liked…and then just pffft when the guild fell apart. It’s hard to get back into that groove for me, because I hate to repeat things. And once I’ve found a group, I want to stick with that group–I don’t want to go out making new friends all the time, I just want to stay with the friends I’ve got!

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