come as you are

I’m going through a really rough patch in le first life right now, and I think I want to babble on that a little. But first I want to show off this super cool hair I got today from new store Liquence! Everyone has been gushing over the wavy/curly style (and I do love it, too), so I thought I would instead show off the other one. (There’s a men’s style too, but pfft, men. :P) I love this hair! It’s teased and rough and coarse and bleached and reminded me of 90’s grunge hair. It’s FANTASTIC. I wish I was wearing a plaid shirt and smoking weed while listening to Nirvana – it’s that grunge. (Maybe others will see this hair differently, as smooth and glam and fancy. Who knows!?) I didn’t do any editing, I thought this raw snap was just the thing to show the feeling this hair gives me.

liquene

Hair: New from Liquence
Hairbase: Liquence Subscriber Gift
Skin: Glam Affair
Eyes: Dead Apples
Lashes: FTL
Shirt: RONSEM
Jeans: Monso
Pose: LAP

Now some babbling about real life. Those who follow me on plurk have probably heard that last week I was in a serious car accident with a drunk driver. I emerged more or less whole and healthy. I’m very bruised, I have a headache that won’t quit, my muscles are sore, my car is totaled but replaceable, and I feel bad BUT at least I didn’t break anything and I am not dead.

And yet.

I have this debilitating fear of going back to my life. I’m scared of work, I’m scared of driving at night, I’m avoiding my family even more than I already did. All I want to do is stay in my bedroom and do nothing. I force myself to play WoW or SL or watch Fringe or read because if I don’t I will do nothing. And doing nothing is not a ME thing to do. I am not a nothing doer, I am always wanting to do something. I love my job, I love driving, I love WoW, I love DOING. But I feel totally done in. I feel sorry for myself. I feel sad. I feel anxious. Today I got sent home from work because I couldn’t stop crying. I had terrible anxiety and could barely breathe on the drive over, and being there did not improve the situation. I don’t feel at all like my strong capable self. Normally when bad/hard things happen I just roll with it and compartmentalize and do what needs to be done because that’s life. Now for some reason I feel crippled. Not physically but emotionally, mentally. I don’t feel safe and I don’t feel right. And so. That’s all I guess. I hope I can snap back to the old me by Monday because I can’t hide from my life forever.

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3 thoughts on “come as you are

  1. Aww that’s terrible bunny! I hope your being taken care of! Tell the boyfriend to cuddle you & feed you cookies till all the stress goes away,
    It will get better!
    :))))

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